Friday, 30 May 2014

Taking some time out

Well, I don't have much creative to report - or at least, I've not been designing recently - my head hasn't really been in the right place.

About 13 months ago, I was diagnosed with cancer - endometrial cancer (lining of the womb), and on 19th May this year, I had a hysterectomy, as the treatment hadn't been successful.  

This whole situation has made me think more about what I want from life - as the route I had planned (having a family of my own) wasn't open to me any more.  Family wise, I have a niece or nephew on the way in August, so I get to be an auntie, and that will be fantastic; and my husband and I now sponsor a child in Tanzania, so we can help look after someone else's baby.

But the question is, what do I do with the rest of my life?  Although I have a long stint of recovery ahead of me, I have a good job to go back to, and I still have my wonderfully supportive husband by my side, I don't really know what to do past that!

I think the idea of having a completely blank slate in front of me is quite scary... where do I go from here?  I'm still waiting for the results of the tests they'll do on my womb to find out if I need any radio- or chemotherapy, but the thought it is that I won't need it.

It gives me space in my life to pursue my career - do I want to go up the ladder, study, and progress my career, or do I want to follow my creative side, write a book, spend more effort to try to teach beading, and design more?  I don't think I can do both - or at least, not at the same time.

Cancer is scary, it makes you re-evaluate everything.  There are some things I know for sure now though - that I have family and friends who love and support me - more than I ever imagined.  My house is full of flowers and cards, I've had visitors, and been prayed for so much.  I've had so much support - I have no idea how to thank people.

I will be back though - stronger, fitter and better... with more beads, more whimsy, and more rambling; thanks for your patience with this very impatient patient!