Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts

Thursday, 12 June 2014

Meditation - dealing with cancer

This blog is unusual as it isn't about beads.  It is a bit of my back history... and a bit about my current situation.  I've written this blog for Womb Cancer Support UK, who are interested in people who use meditation to cope with cancer.

Womb cancer and endometrial cancer are massively ignored in the media - it's the fourth most common cancer in women in the UK - yet it is overlooked. 


I was diagnosed with early stage 1 endometrial cancer last year in April.  I was 33 at the time, and it was a complete shock.  I’d noticed a dramatic change in my periods, and was in a fair bit of pain, so I went to see my GP.  She referred me to the hospital for an ultrasound, which showed a thickening of the lining of my womb.  I then went on to have a diagnostic hysteroscopy – a camera being put into my womb through my cervix; which showed a growth, which looked like a typical polyp (according to the doctor).  I had the poly removed; but to my horror it was full of pre-cancerous cells and some stage one cancer cells.

My consultant decided the best way to treat it was hormone treatment – which was very difficult, as it put me in a medically induced menopause.  Following the treatment, I had another hysteroscopy and biopsy, which showed abnormalities and pre-cancerous cells; which was devastating.  I felt like the sky was coming in.  I got the results the day before my 34th birthday.

Even though my husband and I had only been married for five months at the time of the second biopsy, and would dearly have loved to have children, we decided that having a hysterectomy would be the best course of action. My consultant agreed that it was a reasonable course of action, and I had a total hysterectomy (removal of womb and cervix only – I still have my ovaries) on 19th May this year.

As part of my recovery plan, I’ve taken up mindfulness meditation.  A friend of mine is a practitioner of mindfulness meditation, and she took me through the basics, and I found it to be very calming and relaxing.  Knowing that my recovery would be a long, slow, probably painful process, I thought that it would be a good thing to take up. 

Mindfulness is all about experiencing what is happening at the moment – how you feel, what is going on around you etc.  It helps you to stop worrying about the future, focussing on the past, and is very stilling and grounding.  I have been using the audio tracks available on the internet, and found them to be very helpful.  The tracks I listen to are from the UCLC Mindfulness Awareness Research Centre (http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22).  There are different tracks for different circumstances, basic breathing meditation, full meditation tracks, mindfulness for dealing with difficulties (which is very useful for helping deal with pain) and my personal favourite – a body scan to prepare you for sleep.

After major surgery, it is very important to be kind to yourself, and mindfulness helps a lot with that.  Insomnia is common, so being able to relax and unwind to help with sleep is invaluable.  Although it’s very early days for me, I know I will carry on with practicing mindfulness, meditating and giving myself the time and kindness required to recover fully.  

Friday, 30 May 2014

Taking some time out

Well, I don't have much creative to report - or at least, I've not been designing recently - my head hasn't really been in the right place.

About 13 months ago, I was diagnosed with cancer - endometrial cancer (lining of the womb), and on 19th May this year, I had a hysterectomy, as the treatment hadn't been successful.  


This whole situation has made me think more about what I want from life - as the route I had planned (having a family of my own) wasn't open to me any more.  Family wise, I have a niece or nephew on the way in August, so I get to be an auntie, and that will be fantastic; and my husband and I now sponsor a child in Tanzania, so we can help look after someone else's baby.

But the question is, what do I do with the rest of my life?  Although I have a long stint of recovery ahead of me, I have a good job to go back to, and I still have my wonderfully supportive husband by my side, I don't really know what to do past that!

I think the idea of having a completely blank slate in front of me is quite scary... where do I go from here?  I'm still waiting for the results of the tests they'll do on my womb to find out if I need any radio- or chemotherapy, but the thought it is that I won't need it.

It gives me space in my life to pursue my career - do I want to go up the ladder, study, and progress my career, or do I want to follow my creative side, write a book, spend more effort to try to teach beading, and design more?  I don't think I can do both - or at least, not at the same time.

Cancer is scary, it makes you re-evaluate everything.  There are some things I know for sure now though - that I have family and friends who love and support me - more than I ever imagined.  My house is full of flowers and cards, I've had visitors, and been prayed for so much.  I've had so much support - I have no idea how to thank people.

I will be back though - stronger, fitter and better... with more beads, more whimsy, and more rambling; thanks for your patience with this very impatient patient!